Sunday, January 18, 2009

"Sanitize your hands please."

Blog note: Sorry for all the posts about work. I haven't started school yet so I haven't had anything else more interesting happening to me.

"Excuse me?"

"Yes?" I reply, I just finished restocking tins of cashews and got up hearing the sound of a customer.

"Do you have hand sanitizer?" a short, freckle faced woman snorted with a few items in her hands.

"Oh, yeah, it's down aisle 3, all the way at the end, we also--"

"No." she cut me off like I was an idiot babbling on about how the sky ought to be peach scented.

"Do you have sanitizer for yourself?"


"You've been handling money and things all day. Your hands must be covered in germs. Please sanitize your hands before you ring up my things."

Now, I've never had this happen before. I believe I am a pretty clean person. I carry hand sanitizer around in my purse, I wash my hands for a full minute after relieving myself, and I have been known for having the compulsive urge to buy lemongrass scented shampoo. And damn it, I sanitize my hands very often with GermX when I'm at work.

As I fought the urge to shove my germ infested fingers into her nose, I pump some of the heavy rubbing alcohol scented liquid into my hands and tell the woman I'm ready to ring up her things.

She looks at me like I had just put my hands in a toilet bowl to get them wet, and replies,

"Can't I just ring them up myself?"

"No. I don't think--"

She ignores my comment and does so anyway. I try to stop her but she wraps her arm around the cash register to the little box that scans things. She ends up buying only one item because that's the only one I'd allow her to scan.

I open a plastic bag for her to drop her thing into and she ignores it and grabs her own. She refuses the receipt because I touched it and put my deadly disease ridden instruments (my hands) on it and leaves the store.

For a second I think, OH MY GOD, what's wrong with me?
Do I have a disease?
Did one of my body parts fall off without me knowing it?
Do I just smell bad?

I roll my eyes and sniff the air and smell the sweet scent of lemongrass and think, despite it all,

"Damn, I smell good today."

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Laughing with Tea

My manager comes up to me as I stand behind the cash register,

"You know what's awesome?"

"Ummm... Arizona Tea?"

The store is kinda empty because it's almost closing. He tells me, "No wayyy!" as I try to think of what could possibly be more awesome than a 23 oz. can of peach flavored tea for 99 cents.

He shows me two packages of pretzels, ones covered in white chocolate and the other in normal chocolate. He holds them out to me like it's the holy grail of snack food. I look down at the arc of the covenant in his hands and give my best Keanu Reeves expression when offered the red or blue pill.

"Take one of both!"

I shrug my shoulders and grab a pair of the chocolatey pretzels and eat them like a very curious lion would if he didn't eat flesh but only pretzels.

"Good?" He asks me as my mouth is filled with pretzel.

I nod like a bobble head doll and mumble "thank you" with the remnants of crunchiness in my mouth.

It then occurs to me that there are people who've shown up in line to check out at my register, I, of course, not an all star chewer, begin to mumble my words to the customers who then begin to giggle at me.

"Hafff a nif evenningff!" I burble, at last, as I swallow that chunk of pretzal down my throat.

As the customers finally leave I realize that that really was an awesome combination, you really should try it. But preferably alone where no one can interupt the goodness with the wish to purchase a copy of Cosmogirl magazine or GasX.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

13 reasons whyyy...

Holy crap.
Watch this short little clip. Don't worry it's short.
It's not like I'm going to make you watch a 10 minute clip of my dog drooling like some bloggers do.
This will blow your mind.

Are you freaked out? Wasn't that intense?
45% of you are probably thinking, "Wow, Jessica, that's what you think is intense? You're BORING."
And 30% of you are probably thinking, "WTF?"
and 24% (this is the group that I'm in) probably think, "HOLY SHIZ!! This is craazzzy. What is this? I must know more."
And then there's probably .75% of you that decided not to watch the video
and the .25% of you who don't know how to hit the play button.
Now that I've thoroughly read your minds, I'll tell you what this is.
It's an advertisement!
Weird right?

It's for the book, 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher. Which is basically about a guy who receives cassette tapes in the mail that are from a girl who committed suicide 2 weeks before, explaining the reasons why she committed suicide and the people she sent the tapes to are part of the reasons why she killed herself. But the thing is, the guy who received the tapes in the mail was actually in love with Hannah Baker and wanted to help her. So how did he contribute to her death?

CREEPY STUFF. I read it.
I had a coupon for 40% off a book at Borders so I bought it.
I kinda felt silly buying a book from the teen fiction section but I got it any way.
So what I thought of the book? It was very sad but it had an optimistic ending. I read it in 3 days. I guess the reason why was because it was a very captivating book and it was all written teen fictiony so I could get through it pretty quickly.

The book's idea was pretty intriguing. I enjoyed it.

The only thing I don't agree with is the cover art. The girl in the image is wearing high heels on a swing.

WHAT? Who does that?

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Adventures in Retail

So, this is my day.

I was a happy go lucky drugstore cashier, drinking my Monster energy drink, so my happy go luckiness was drug induced but none of the customers needed to know that.


This very snobby woman comes up to my register holding a very opened package of very squished cotton balls, she having a very unhappy look on her very stretched out ugly face.
"I'd like to return these."
"Was there something wrong?" I asked, caffeine coursing through my veins.

"Yes, these didn't work--"

I cut her off then, because I knew we'd have to throw them away anyway because she put her stretched out face all on them, and it's not like I could have fixed the cotton balls, and of course the main one, I DON'T CARE.

She looked at me expectantly, like I should ask her about her entire experience with the generic brand cotton balls. Were they just not soft enough? Were they just too scratchy? Were they not worth the 59 cents you paid for them?
I called for my manager and listened to the lady's story under my monster powered eaves dropping skills. She painted a picture of trying to use the ever so unuseful cotten balls to absorb water and how they would just fall to pieces at the very thought of water coming in contact with the fluffy white orbs.

I think she was trying to use the cotton balls to plug a small dam or build a giant cotton ball man, a super hero to fight acne and nail polish remover accidents.

I guess cotton balls are of the devil.