Friday, November 28, 2008

Black Friday has come to run me over

So, I work in retail.
If you work in retail, you too will feel the wrath of black friday. That is, if you're going to be working today.
Unfortunately, I do.

The store I cashier at is notorious for being out of stock on things. I must mentally prepare for having my head bitten off by middle aged women with their unwilling children in tow, knuckles white with coupons in their grasp, and angered by the mere mention of the words "out of stock".

Yeah, I'm going to get pummeled.

Black friday is actually a play off the term "black tuesday" from the 1929 stock market crash, seeing as black friday creates just as an intense and crazy experience.

I, on the other hand, like to call black friday, "angry-people-who-think-they-shouldn't-have-to pay-for-their-things fridays" because there are some customers who are that bitchy.

I would give anything to stay in bed with my boyfriend all morning.
Oh well. I can still dream.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Thanks for Giving me heart burn

So, it's thanks giving. I've had my share of turkey and gravy and cranberry sauce and mashed potatoes and stuffing and green beans and pumpkin pie and whipped cream and a little more turkey.

I'm going to have to hit the Wii fit hard tomorrow.
As for now. I'll enjoy the extra 5 pounds in my gut.
Happy Thanksgiving. :)

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Extra helpings

So, In a previous post, I was worrying about getting laid off from work.
Well... the tide has turned, in a most tumultuous way. (I really like the world tumultuous, it's pretty magical. Anywho)

Our staff sheet went from the length of Santa's beard to the length of the creepy flesh colored beard of Spencer from The Hills.
So very sad.
Because the staff sheet has been cut, I'm getting MORE hours. More hours than I think I can handle.
I really don't want to fail my college classes. Especially chemistry. I hate chemistry so much.

I guess I'll spend Thanksgiving getting ready to dive into my chemistry book.
Aww, chemistry and turkey, a very good combination.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Bear Hugs

So, I logged on to the computer this morning to find something... interesting.
According to this article, a young college student broke into a giant panda exhibit with the idea that he could go hug the panda. Of course, he was injured.
Hug a panda? Now, that's always been a dream of mine, but I don't know if a wild animal would enjoy being cuddled.

I tried to hug a goat before, and he really didn't like it. He started wriggling around and ramming me. I don't think I'd want to go through that experience again especially with a 250 lb panda.
I'm guessing this guy hasn't seen this tshirt.

REAL bear hugs are often fatal.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Cake or Death? uh, no thanks, a Job, please.

So the economy is really sucking right now.
Our sales are far less than what they were last year and the store can't afford as many people to work. So they are cutting hours. HUGELY.
Guess what happens to the little college girl who is working to pay for college stuff?
I shrivel up and die.

I'm so screwed. I've been cut to 1 day next week... some people aren't even scheduled to work. My spider senses are tingling and they're telling me that I might be in trouble.

I need money so bad, I don't know what to do. It's so hard to find another job. I don't want to go back to selling lemonade on the side of the road like back in 3rd grade. I only made about 5 cents and I don't think Verizon will enjoying being paid in lemonade.
What exactly is my job?
I'm the robot that rings up your purchases at your favorite durgstore and cleans up after everyone.
I work pretty damn hard.
But we've already lost a photo guy, a manager, 2 other service clerks... what is going to happen to little old me?

Maybe I won't shrivel up and die. Maybe I'll be cursed to spend the next 5 years living with my parents because I can't afford to move out.

Oh my god. I might as well start putting my down payment on my coffin or at least start chiseling away at my tomb stone,

"Here lies, Jessica

She was

And that's how it'll end because I won't have enough money to pay for the rest of the letters.

So, this brings me to my real topic.

(anything but prostitution/stripping sorry, I'm not that desperate yet)

I've been working as a cashier for about 6 months,
I can easily do math in my head and know how to check if money is fake or real!
Wooo! Isn't that what you look for in a cashier?
Prior to this job, i worked at a theme park as a rides operator, so I know how to work with heavy machinery! And my customer service skills are pretty awesome.
I had to tell people that "Due to the dimensions of the ride, I cannot permit you to ride safely" (Basically, They're too chubby for the ride) and that takes some skills.

And for the appeal to pity...
I'm a full time college student who needs to pay for her books for next semester. I'm a Biology Major who is planning on going to pharmacy school so... I'm a pretty determined person!

Um... I guess that's it?
So if you have a job opening in the Fresno, CA area, let me know.
I love money-- err-- I mean, I love to work.

Thursday, November 20, 2008


I ache.
Wii Fit is making my muscles ache.
I've been using it 4 days in a row. You might think I'm being a big baby.
Well guess what!
I guess I'm just extremely out of shape. All 118 lbs of me. YEAH that's right. 118.
If I wanted to lie about my weight I'd say, "Oh... I'm just a little 105 lb. girly."
People probably think I'm lying now.
But i guess there isn't much of a way to prove it and there isn't much of a reason either.

You know what kinda frustrates me?
So I'm hanging out with my friends at a pizza place and I know they're just as out of shape and slightly rounded for our heights as me.
I'm a girl, I have eyes and of course I judge. EVERYONE judges. Maliciously or not.
I decide to eat the entire piece of pepperoni pizza, I bought.
I'm HUNGRY. So I'm gonna eat.
My friends, however, nibble at their salads and bread sticks (not finishing anything) and act like they're full when they're obviously not.

If they always ate like that they'd most definitely be anorexic.
Is it a girl thing?
Am I supposed to hide my hunger and smuggle my cookies in a dark closet?
I have to enjoy my high metabolism while I can.
I'm not going to be able to eat all this junk food when I'm 40, therefore I must gorge now.
More Wii for me.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


So I've got a Wii finally.
That sounds so weird spoken aloud.
The only game that i have is Wii Fit though.
That game is surprisingly fun. Seriously.
I've been told people get bored of it quickly, but it kinda gets addicting. After taking a body test, I've found that my Wii Fit age is 23 though. My body is five years older than I actually am. So it's motivating me to make my Wii Fit age younger. I look really silly playing it though.
I made the mistake of playing it on my living room tv, and there's a big window towards the street and I noticed people across the street were laughing at me.

You know what I say about that?

I say screw you chubby people! At least I'm not just sitting around watching someone exercise, even though it's silly.
I'll admit, I'm terrible at yoga but with the game I actually am doing the poses, and I'm not sucking at it! I was very surprised.
And you'll never see hula hooping the same way again. It's intense.
Well, overall, I highly recommend the game. Or at least recommend that you try it out.
You're probably a yoga guru and you didn't even know it!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Godzilla love

I spent this weekend with my beau.

I feel a lot better now. No more depression for me.
I guess in a long distance relationship, you take seeing your significant other like a drug. As time passes you need another fix.
You need to hold hands with them or kiss them randomly in the middle of a busy street.
Or sip on hot chocolate and munch cookies while watching some old cancelled tv show.
Or pull them in for long kiss while you're together in an empty room and see where it takes you.

It's amazing to wake up with him in bed with me. Now, that I've unleashed the mush. I'll reward you for reading through this.
Music for you!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Sleeping with... no one.

You know that ache you get?
Not the stress ache or the hunger ache or the lack of an orgasm ache you can get.
Just the ache of being alone.

It's been exactly 3 weeks since I've slept next to my boyfriend.
I'm sure you single people are thinking, "OH BOO, YOU WHORE." (I'm quoting Mean Girls, btw) But those with a special someone hopefully understand this depression I feel.

I hate the distance. It's making me sick. Only about 24 hours until I see him again. The time seems to be going by so slow.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Let's talk about...

Yes, that scented liquid that girls (sometimes guys) spray on themselves to smell good to the opposite (or same) sex.
What scents are cool now?

I don't really know exactly.

The scent I currently smell like is delicious warm vanilla sugar. My boyfriend likes it, and currently you can get it at Bath and Body Works. It's about $12 online. In short, I smell like cookies.

My family said I'm too old for smelling like cookies. But I enjoy smelling like I just got in a fight with a gang of vanilla extract junkies in a vat of sugar and coconut milk.

I smell pretty damn good.

I did a report on the commercial for the Britney Spears fragrance "Fantasy". You can see it here if you're curious.

I smelled the stuff at work and that stuff smells GROSS. It's way too heavy and fruity.

I think the bottle and packaging actually appeal more to little girls. But the commercial is intensely sexual. I hope little girls aren't planning to have crazy sexual fantasies any time soon.
I wish I could make my own fragrance. I'll make it smell like bacon and eggs and pancakes and syrup and someone would just like to eat you up. Actually if you wear it, you might want to stay away from cannibals, giants, and/or people who like to lick people who smell like breakfast.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Remember when...

Do you remember, "Are you afraid of the dark?"
You know, the campy tv show on the original nickelodeon?

I was only about 5 when I watched the show. That show scared the crap out of me.
I'd go to bed with scarves on so that vampires wouldn't be able to bite my neck,
I'd put things in front of my closet door so nothing could get out of it,
I'd have a night light because I was scared something was going to kidnap me in the dark
and by far the worst, and I still do it today, I can't sleep unless my feet are covered up because I'm scared my toes will get cut off.

So, it goes to show, some things can really mess you up in life. I still can't watch a horror movie in a theater without not watching 90% of it because I'm usually covering my face and ears.

Perhaps the show was one of your favorites, well you must have thicker skin than I.

The reason I bring this show up, I saw it on The N the other day, and realized how terrible the show was.
It was almost disappointing.
I spend my childhood afraid of this show and I watch it now and it does not scare me at all. Well, the really bad special effects were scary, I guess.

In the end, you have to realize that things that you remember from childhood can be really different from reality.

I'm hungry. I'm thinking soup.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Just like we do

I haven't seen my boyfriend for almost 2 weeks exactly.

We live far from each other. According to google maps we're about 152 miles apart.
Even though I sound terribly corny,
I miss him.

Long distance relationships can work. As long as you have set times of seeing each other. If you don't, then you're bound to fall apart.

You see, I see my boyfriend routinely once every 2-3 weeks and those weekends we spend together, are the little bites of hope I get out of this hamburger of a relationship.

Then the known fact that we will not be like this forever also helps. He's planning to move here.
I seriously doubt I'll be able to take another year of this.

Being a silly 18 year old, you're probably thinking, oh this girl is in a silly relationship that can't last.
You know what?
I don't care, I'm happy and I'd like to revel in this happiness. Just roll around in it like bubbles in a bubble bath.

And you know the good about the time apart? We have plenty of time to think of ways to be creative.
And I mean creative in the...
well you know what I mean.

I'm going to head off to bed now, I've got work in the morning.
You'll know who I'm dreaming about.

Friday, November 7, 2008

I am whirling, wearing my sun feet

So I signed up for my classes for next semester.
Preeetty intense. Not really actually. I got into all the classes I wanted.
I think it's because I chose the most obscure times so that I would be guaranteed two free days a week. My Mondays and Wednesdays are packed with science. Biology and Chemistry to be exact.
So cool, right?

Not. I'm a nerd. But then every morning I get to wake up to a drama class. Now THAT will be interesting.

I was very tempted to take a class called, Party Club Dancing. Now what would that entail?
Sounds a little interesting... I don't feel like taking an extra class that might make me sweaty, though.

I don't enjoy sweating, unless it's for a good cause. Like, joining a walk-athon for the fight against breast cancer, or maybe being on a bed with my boyfriend.
I guess the second one isn't exactly a good cause, well for me it is.

It's late. I should sleep.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Wundervoll, Merveilleux, Maravilloso, Meraviglioso!

So I finally got my dvd set of Wonderfalls in the mail today.

What is Wonderfalls, you ask? It's a hilarious TV show that was cancelled after 4 episodes.

So I'm sure you're thinking, "Cancelled after 4 episodes?? it must be terrible!"
No, it most certainly is not.
The overall show is about a girl named Jaye who graduated from Brown University and got a degree in philosophy. She decided to ignore her degree and move to Niagra falls and work in the tourist filled gift shop called Wonderfalls.
She suddenly feels like she's going crazy because items in the gift shop start talking to her and telling her things to do, she tries to ignore them, but finds that everything seems to work out for the better when she doesn't.

It's almost like a big boiling pot of Joan of Arc, dry humor, a touch of running jokes, and a dash of the supernatural.
It was created by Bryan Fuller, who also created Dead like Me and Pushing Daisies, and Todd Holland, the exec. producer of Malcolm in the Middle.

If you enjoyed these shows you will most probably enjoy Wonderfalls.

And if you want to check it out for yourself, here's the pilot. This one is the unaired pilot, the main difference between the aired pilot and this is that there's a different actor that plays Jaye's brother. The overall plot is the same.

I hope you enjoy it.

Happy watching.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Sun, Sun, Sun, here it comes

So the Flight of the Conchords.
Have you heard of them?

You probably have.

Well, if not, they're a hilarious New Zealand musical duo who make silly songs.

My favorite by far is the song Sellotape, seen here.

For those who stumbled here searching for when the next season of the show will come out, well, they promised it to come out this year. But I'm not so sure.
Tragically, I heard the second season will be the last.

The majority of the songs in the first season were written long before they got a TV show and I'm guessing making brand new material is a pretty heavy burden.

I'm just hoping the next season will be just as good as the last.

Awaiting the new season,
I've been looking up band things, and found something that looks awesome!
I'm so tempted to buy this.

It's $25 though, and I don't get paid until next week.
It'll have to wait then. But the shirt is awesome.
Well I guess that's about it,

And what I've been listening to as I typed this up?
Happy Listening.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Music to listen to when procrastinating

So I've found 3 songs that are a must to procrastinate to.

Now, you might be thinking to yourself while you're sitting there staring aimlessly at a wall or ceiling or at the TV watching some old rerun of Moesha, "What am I doing?"

Well, now you'll have something to say like, "I'm listening to an awesome song".

Song #3:

Catch Me Jumping - The Dimes

Yes, it's pretty indie with a slow beat that might lull you to sleep but it's pretty chill and easy to listen to, unless you're into rap with repetitive choruses that are basically food, repeated over and over with sexual innuendo, (i.e. "Hand in the cookie jar", "Chicken Noodle Soup", "Salt Shaker", "Laffy taffy"..etc) then this song isn't for you.

Song #2:
Honey - The Hush Sound

Now here's a slightly upbeat "hell hath no fury" song.
It's sort of like a "Chain of Fools" for the new generation, if you know what I mean. It's pretty intense and kind of angry in a "I'm going to yell at you in song instead of really stab you" sort of way. You'll probably forget completely what you're procrastinating on when you listen to it. That can good or bad.

and finally,
Song #1:

Transylvania - Mcfly

Yes, it's Mcfly, the British pop band from England who seem to be the older and British version of the Jonas Brothers. You've got to love them.

So there's my list, complete with mp3 sampling. My music is pretty eclectic.
Happy listening.

Sunday, November 2, 2008


So, John Stamos isn't enough to get your attention.

I'll have to sell an organ or steal an organ or play an organ or move to Oregon to get noticed.

How about this?
I'll tell you something embarrassing.
How about we travel to the years of the early 2000s.
Back when I was in elementary school.
I was a little 10 year old who went on a camping trip at Catalina Island with my class.

We were going to learn how to kayak on the shallow waters.
I never kayaked before.
We had a very cute male instructor that all the girls would giggle at. He was probably 20. But with every word he spoke, you know we thought he was flirting with us.

"Hey, girls," my cute instructor said, standing quite heroically holding a paddle in his hand and our attention in his sparkling smile.
"Yes, Charles?" we all said in crazy chorusy voices all together like some mob.
He explained that we all needed to choose a partner and choose a kayak to paddle together.
I was paired with my friend Meghan. We chose the blue kayak and were clueless at what to do next as the others began to paddle out to sea.
Everyone else seemed to get on quite easily, except for us.
"Are you two, alright?" Charles said in a charismatic voice that made Meghan and I giggle more than ever.

"I don't know what to do..." I say feebly, surprised my lips delivered actual words and didn't dribble out like drool from my mouth.

"Yeah? That's okay, here Meghan, I'll get you settled."

I stood holding the paddle horizontal in my hands as Charles helped Meghan behind me. I waited to hear Charles' next instruction. I heard something and I turned to see what it was and with that...

I smacked Charles in the face with a plastic paddle.
And with that, he was on the ground.
"Oh my god, you killed him!" Meghan squeaked.

I think I said "I'm sorry" about a million times.
I didn't kill Charles, luckily, but he did have a bruise across his face for the rest of the trip.
And that was one of my most embarrassing moments.
I'll most likely think of more.
Oh, and just to let everyone know,
my John Stamos offer still stands.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

So silent.

So, my blog has been silent for a few months now.

On both sides, mine and yours.

I guess I'm not interesting enough, eh?
Do I have to post a risque picture or steal some celebrity's underwear to get a little attention?
Well the truth is...
I don't really feel like showing you my bits or stealing Britney's undies for you guys, I'll have to find a less sell out way to get your attention.

How about this!
To the first person who comments me, I will photoshop a picture of the poster having a quaint little lunch with John Stamos.

Any takers? No one can resist a make believe luncheon with a B lister from the 90s!

Here are some pictures of my handy work to prove I don't completely suck at photoshop.

This is my sister and I at Warped Tour. Our faces are just so animated. I'm the one on the right by the way.

This is a picture of my friends chilling with Pete Wentz. Yeah.. this was before his whole penis fiasco.

And this is fluffy.

So I'm not THE BEST but I do know a thing or two about making silly things.
Let's see, what else can I pull from my bag of tricks?
I'll think of something.

For now, I want you to imagine your life without a picture of yourself with John Stamos.
Depressed yet?