Sunday, November 2, 2008


So, John Stamos isn't enough to get your attention.

I'll have to sell an organ or steal an organ or play an organ or move to Oregon to get noticed.

How about this?
I'll tell you something embarrassing.
How about we travel to the years of the early 2000s.
Back when I was in elementary school.
I was a little 10 year old who went on a camping trip at Catalina Island with my class.

We were going to learn how to kayak on the shallow waters.
I never kayaked before.
We had a very cute male instructor that all the girls would giggle at. He was probably 20. But with every word he spoke, you know we thought he was flirting with us.

"Hey, girls," my cute instructor said, standing quite heroically holding a paddle in his hand and our attention in his sparkling smile.
"Yes, Charles?" we all said in crazy chorusy voices all together like some mob.
He explained that we all needed to choose a partner and choose a kayak to paddle together.
I was paired with my friend Meghan. We chose the blue kayak and were clueless at what to do next as the others began to paddle out to sea.
Everyone else seemed to get on quite easily, except for us.
"Are you two, alright?" Charles said in a charismatic voice that made Meghan and I giggle more than ever.

"I don't know what to do..." I say feebly, surprised my lips delivered actual words and didn't dribble out like drool from my mouth.

"Yeah? That's okay, here Meghan, I'll get you settled."

I stood holding the paddle horizontal in my hands as Charles helped Meghan behind me. I waited to hear Charles' next instruction. I heard something and I turned to see what it was and with that...

I smacked Charles in the face with a plastic paddle.
And with that, he was on the ground.
"Oh my god, you killed him!" Meghan squeaked.

I think I said "I'm sorry" about a million times.
I didn't kill Charles, luckily, but he did have a bruise across his face for the rest of the trip.
And that was one of my most embarrassing moments.
I'll most likely think of more.
Oh, and just to let everyone know,
my John Stamos offer still stands.

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